I've gotten this question a few times now, so I thought I'd share my best answer with the class.
The overarching rule to this whole post is that it's your wedding, do what makes you happy. With that being said, one also needs to chose their battles. So where is the happy medium?
Did this person give you money towards the wedding? - If someone does not give you money towards the wedding, but insists you invite their neighbor's kids to the wedding, simply smile, say "I'll double check the invitation list", and walk away. You aren't committing to inviting them, because you don't plan to. (By the way, don't lie, lying gets you nowhere. And it's rude.) If this person has given you money towards the wedding, I suggest having that money earmarked for something the minute they give it to you. When they give you the gift, say "Thank you so much! Is there anything in particular you'd like me to use this money for?" If they don't say "The neighbor's kid's plate", then they still have no say in the invite list, and you should refer to the above mentioned response. If they say "just use it however you need it"; well, you don't see the neighbor's kids as a need do you? Nope, refer to the response listed above.
Is this person your Mom or Dad? - This is where it gets tricky, right? You don't want to seem ungrateful, you need their help, but you don't want to start WWIII. A parenting secret I've realized over the past year: Your parents know you better than you do. They know you had no intention of inviting the neighbor's kids. Or, they think you may want to invite them and have simply forgotten. Either way, when you respond "We just don't have room for them", your parents won't disown you. I promise.
Is this person your Grandparent? - Tell your own parents the situation, and kindly ask them to speak with your grandparents on your behalf. Nana will not be pleased you're getting married in a gazebo by a JP and there is no Crucifix to be seen, and her messages will not stop, and you just want it to all go away, but she won't listen to you! (Am I projecting here? Sorry for that). The answer: you call your Dad, tell him the situation, as ask him to talk to her. Your parents have (hopefully) come to love and respect who you are as an adult. So, let your parents take care of it.
Everybody else - Should just be happy they got an invitation, and you haven't decided to elope...yet. Hubby's grandmother gave me one of the best pieces of wedding advice: "When someone gives their opinion, you smile, say thank you, and then go do whatever the hell you want".
Know which battles you want to pick. I was not getting married in a church. I picked that battle hard. But, we had a wedding and meal blessing as a compromise. We wanted our parents to be part of the ceremony, but I didn't want any readings, so instead we did a hand fasting. I told adult cousins (that didn't live with their significant others) that they could have their plus one if other family members RSVPed no. I communicated that I respected their relationship, but I would rather have my aunt there.
Lots of people don't want kids at their wedding. Which is understandable. They count as a head, that's extra money. Perhaps a compromise would be to arrange a family friend or accredited nanny to watch the children at the hotel, while the parents enjoy your reception.
In the end, do you want it? Does your significant other want it? If the answer is No, then I think you have your answer. Remember, it's your wedding.
What were some battles you chose? Were you happy with the outcome? Share your experiences below!
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