Well, here's my real life version.
Go to college
Didn't go to college? Well there's your problem. Start. NOW.
"Quit your Bitchin'"
My mother has been saying this to me since I was 10. What does whining get you?! Absolutely freakin nothing. "I can't find a job!" Ok, well, what are your qualifications? A degree in Basket Weaving and a bunch of part time jobs you worked at for less than a year? I have no sympathy for people who majored in Graphic Design, or Computer Science, and complain they can't get a well paying job in their field. Unless you're friggan Picasso with a computer, what makes you different than the thousands of other kids who majored in the same thing?
Minor in your passion. Major in business. Then, maybe you can actually learn how to make money doing your passion.
Commit
I'm sorry you hate your job. I've been there. It blows. But you get a paycheck. And you are probably learning something useful about something. If you give a potential employer a resume full of jobs you held for 6-9 months, they won't hire you. Stick it out for 12-18 months. Learn everything you can. Even if you don't want to do that for the rest of your life. That knowledge will come in handy.
Commit to your friends. At this point, everyone is working, has moved away, and it takes a special effort to see one another. If you make plans with someone, don't flake! Do you have ANY idea how obnoxious that is?! There are obviously exceptions to this rule, but not wanting to drive an hour to see the person doesn't count.
Commit to your family. Yes, a telephone works both ways, so why aren't they calling you? I get it. But I have heard from my mother more times than not that I'm much busier than she is, and she doesn't want to disturb me when I'm at work. And thinking back, every time she's tried to call me, I've been at work. So pick up the phone. Stay in touch with your siblings and cousins. They will be around the longest.
Bust your Ass
Going to work, putting in your time, and leaving doesn't count as busting your ass. Accepting your part time minimum wage job is not busting your ass. Better yourself, learn something, take a class, keep looking for something better. Don't assume anyone will hand you anything. That includes family, friends, fools, and the government. If you have time to go on Facebook to complain about not finding a job, or how much your hate your minimum wage job, you have time to better yourself and find a new job.
Travel the world? How about a 401(k)?
Who the hell has time for a freakin road trip?! Seriously. And no, I'm not flying off to ::insert country here:: alone so I can discover myself. Have you SEEN Taken?! I don't know about you, but my Dad isn't Liam Nelson, so I'd be screwed.
And where do you find the money to do these things? Have people ever heard of a 3 month emergency fund? or a 401(k)? We will be old some day people, and we will still need to eat. Derek and I both make very good money, and after responsible savings, 401(k)s, and a mortgage, there is no way in hell we could afford to fly to Italy for a weekend. And if I'm going to Italy, it isn't for a weekend. I'm drinking and eating my way through that whole damn country. If I'm traveling, I'm going to do it right. Oh, and get Travel Insurance! But I digress...
Treat people with respect
Until they give you a damn good reason not to. Yes, even that old miserable man at work. Because he may teach you the building blocks for everything you need to know about your profession. Even the stranger in the grocery line, who is obviously having a bad day. Even the homeless man on the street. Everyone deserves respect, until they lose it.
And when they no longer deserve respect, it does not give you the right to be rude. You're an adult. You probably need to deal with this person on a daily basis. But you cannot be rude.
Grow up
You aren't in college anymore. You aren't in high school anymore. You aren't in middle school anymore. Stop talking about people behind their backs. Stop cheating on people. Stop falling in love in 2 seconds, and then have your heart break 2 seconds later. You don't need to be friends with everyone, this isn't a popularity contest. And start using proper grammar and punctuation, for the love of god!
When we were teens, everyone told us to stop growing up so fast. But that was when we were 15, and the biggest decision we faced was what flavor lip gloss to wear that day. Now we are adults. Let's move on.
Work Harder
Keep working harder. Don't become complacent. Never stop learning. Specialize in something. Come up with an idea to do something more efficient at work. Or volunteer at work to look something up for someone. You will learn something new, and you are making an effort.
Take Responsibility
The only person responsible for where you are and what you have (or don't have) is you. Stop making so many damn excuses for why. If you screw up at work, just say you screwed up! Don't sit there saying "Well, you didn't tell me this, and I didn't see that, so I made this mistake". Believe me, your boss isn't interested. And if they are, they will ask you why you made the mistake.
Don't tell me you came from nothing, there was no one there to help you, or you didn't have a trust fund. Guess what? Neither did I! I've busted my ass since Day 1. I knew I needed straight A's in high school to get into college, because my family had no money. I knew I had to get straight A's in college if I was ever going to get a job after. And I knew straight A's weren't enough. I was on E-board for more organizations than they can fit in the alumni "Where are they Now" letter. I held the same job all 4 years of college.
You are responsible for you.
Be Healthy
Yes, you should love yourself no matter what size and shape you are. I 100% wholeheartedly believe that. But you are in your 20s, you really should be able to go up a flight of stairs without getting winded. You shouldn't have knee pains, or constantly be short of breath, or have high cholesterol. You are setting yourself up to be a statistic in 20 years.
And I get to say this because I was this. And I changed it. You can too.
Stop binge drinking
If nothing else, it's a complete waste of money. And you aren't in college anymore. When you wake up on Sunday morning, there is laundry to do, and bills to pay, and animals to take care of, and bathrooms to clean.... you see where I'm going with this?
Learn to be an adult. And ask for help.
Claiming that you don't know how to do laundry or cook or clean is not cute anymore. It's obnoxious. You're an adult. Go to the grocery store. Run errands. Watch the cooking channel. McDonalds or Ramen for dinner every night is no longer acceptable. Meat, veggie, starch.
If you don't know how to do your laundry, call your Momma and ask how to do it. Admit defeat when you don't know what's going on, and ask someone for help. Knowing your weaknesses is one of the biggest steps to being an adult.
Save your damn money!
Does this one need an explanation? People ask Derek and I "How could you afford a house and a wedding in your early 20s?!" Well, see above list. And I stopped spending $100 on shoes every week. We bring bagged lunches to work. We don't go out for dinner 4 times a week (which also plays into the "be healthy" note). Stop accumulating debt! Throw out every single credit card offer! Don't get an auto loan within your first year of graduation. Seriously, aren't your student loans crushing enough? Don't add $10k of credit card debt to it.
Read the Newspaper. Or at least the Googlenews homepage.
You need to be an informed member of society. You need to vote for people, and whether they have the coolest tour bus or biggest hair no longer counts as reason to vote for them. You will most likely be working with individuals your parent's age. What the hell else are you going to talk to them about? Current events seems like a good place to start.
Start Believing in Yourself
Ahh yes, the touchy feely bullet point you've been waiting for. This is synonymous with "Put your big girl panties on". To risk sounding like a Nike ad, JUST DO IT! No else is doing it for you, and you either sink or swim. So decide early on you will be Michael Phelps.
And some of the quicker bullet points that don't need much of an explanation:
- Wrap it Up!
- Call, don't text
- Don't say YOLO
- Be OK with yourself
- Smile
So there you have it. The realistic list of things to do in your 20s. BAM!
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